It's come to a point where I've lost myself. I can't find anybody I can pour all my thoughts out to. Or perhaps it's because we don't get the chance to do so. I put on a friendly chatty front so much that it's become almost me.

Right now I'm not convinced that I like it. In fact, I really hate it. I hate how people might probably think I'm simple and childish. I hate simplicity so, so much. On one hand I can be happy and thankful here, because there are two people here I care about. On the other, I'm still somewhat lonely and I haven't grown at all. To grow is probably the single most important thing to me, yet it's not happening that much.

The fact that people think I like being with people makes me upset in a little sense. The very fact that I understand why they might say so is what's upsetting. That I'm not necessarily acting like my 'natural' self (to be around just one or two close friends and share thoughts like we did tonight, or be alone), but to be in search of people to communicate with by 'exposing' myself to more groups.

Everybody just gives this same "what, you're introverted?! How?" (let's leave out the debate about excessive labeling of introverts and extroverts which is beginning to get on my nerves due to certain reasons. Nonetheless, I do agree labeling does have its importance so I'll still use the term here) It feels as though people know NOTHING about me when they exclaim - so loudly - that they don't believe I'd really rather be with myself or very little people.

So in that sense, nobody knows my real needs, and if feels as though they will never be met if things continue this way.

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(edit) Tonight was good though. (/edit)